TRAINING vs CORRECTION

Most parents use correction as their tool for changing behavior. That’s not wrong. In fact, God uses correction with us, his children, to help us change. But a heart-based approach to parenting is much bigger than that. In fact, many parents move to consequences too quickly. 

A reward/punishment model for changing behavior rarely works for the long-term. In fact, kids with ADHD or who are strong-willed only change temporarily in order to avoid the punishment or gain the reward. Furthermore, the reward has to get bigger and bigger or the punishment worse and worse in order to be effective, often rendering the whole system ineffective.

A heart-based approach focuses on training. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go.” That one idea is revolutionary for many parents. Some don’t get it. They think that just means use more correction. But training is significantly different. It focuses on practicing doing the right thing, whereas correction focuses simply getting rid of the wrong actions. 

In addition, when children practice doing what’s right then they develop new patterns of thinking and acting. The essence of character has to do with patterns of thinking and acting. A patient person thinks and acts differently than an impatient person. An organized person thinks and acts differently than a disorganized person. Any character quality can be defined this way: A pattern of thinking and acting in response to a challenge. 

But how do you respond rightly when Mom tells you to get off the iPad to set the table and you haven’t arrived at the next level of the video game? Or, how should a child respond to an annoying brother. It’s those kinds of questions that can lead parents into a training mode.

Too often parents talk about what the child should be doing but don’t teach the child how to do it. “How” is the core of training. When parents move into a training strategy of parenting, kids actually change more effectively.